March 2012
1 tag
I remembered 2 pizzas but I forgot lube.
everythinginthrees:
This whole unemployed thing really just makes me want to be a housewife.
No that’s my gig!
February 2012
everythinginthrees:
So this bunch of first year college bros just called me a slut in hungry jacks so I spat at them and told them if they ever even looked at me again I’d rip their cocks off.
Yeah they weren’t expecting that.
I can’t wait to play “count the Tiffany ring marks on bros foreheads.”
“I’m gonna worship that crack!”
– I have the best partner.
meganomalous:
If you’re ever feeling down or lonely or just sitting alone somewhere not feeling anything in particular, just remember some of the perks of being by yourself:
double dipping.
eating cans of frosting with a spoon
Basically I just can’t respect anyone who doesn’t like jam bands.
Rilo Kiley to Phish to Mos Def to The Doors to Andrew Jackson Jihad to The Hold Steady.
Either I’m way too high for this or someone is getting the best mixtape ever.
1 tag
Rilo Kiley - Give a Little Love
I’m too delirious and manic to know anything except how fucking in love I am. And also how much I love Fox Mulder.
glitterencrustedbunghole replied to your photo: You make it feel so small.
what she said
I knew that was coming, I’m just glad it was from you.
“Don’t cockblock your brother!”
– My partner said this to my brother last night and he hasn’t stopped repeating it to me today.
I put on a dress so I’d be all pretty when my partner gets back from work but I fell asleep watching The Xfiles and spilled ice cream all over it so now I’m angry and naked.
I really wish I wasn’t alone because all these zingers about eating ass are really creepy when they’re all coming from one man in a darkened basement.
I don’t want to wait 5 hours for my partner I want to cry all over them now!
Apparently there’s a show on TLC called “My 600lb Life” and…
…
I can’t. I don’t play tee-ball.
But boy howdy this sure is ignorant television.
glitterencrustedbunghole:
smizzle some wizzle
erry dizzle
Yeah, I’m going to fly 10,000 miles in about 60 days and you know why?
Same reason I do everything, to try and have sex with a lady.
2 tags
I don't relate to people who aren't interested in...
Hi, my name’s Alex and apparently we’re on the same wavelength tonight.
1 tag
becauseproperteaistheft:
Blahhhh I’m not even insecure because of how I look; I’m objectively not hideous. I’m insecure because I’m so self-loathing that it makes me hate every single thing about my body & feel like I’m so ugly I don’t deserve to live.
I’ve been trying to verbalize a very similar feeling all day.
2pac - Lord Knows
Opening lines like this are why...
I’d like to think that I’m a tool for this universe, I’d like to think I mean something, I have a reason. But I don’t think I do. I’m a hammer left in the wet earth. But I have the tools to make one. I hope.
I’m only drawing clothes again but I’m too shy to ever try to pull any of it off. Who wants to make my dream come true/get ridiculous clothes?
Busta Rhymes & Ol’ Dirty Bastard - Woo...
Now I’m having a 3 perspective discussion with myself about the pros and cons of the allies artificially extending WW2 until the axis and Ruskies decimated each other enough for an easy total takeover making the cold war entirely with (hopefully) Japan.
So, yeah, unfit to care for orchids much less a baby.
More importantly I think I can give her the tools to feel safe once in a while. And that’s the most amazing thing I think I could do as a parent.
Whoops now I’m looking at plane tickets.
I’m scared if I ever have a daughter I’m going to force her into judo because I’m so afraid I could never protect her from this world but goddamn I can teach her to destroy it for that.
I’m thinking about an undercut and straitening my hair every day and just saying fuck it to trying to present as a guy for a while.
2 tags
Who’s breezy? Also are lil Wayne and weezy the same guy? Is one of them jeezy?
2 tags
I feel like I always come on really strong with friendships because I fucking hate the pretense so much and I just want to love people and know everything about them and tell them everything about me and I’m so scared that just drives people away so I give up and try not to bother them and become a hermit and it’s a bummer.
Thinking about making my partner watch me poop tonight because they deserve to see me at my lowest.
i like how i think it’s totally more plausible that i would be finger painting paper dolls and not hitting on someone but i really only do one of them.
