February 2012
Apparently there’s a show on TLC called “My 600lb Life” and…
…
I can’t. I don’t play tee-ball.
But boy howdy this sure is ignorant television.
glitterencrustedbunghole:
smizzle some wizzle
erry dizzle
Yeah, I’m going to fly 10,000 miles in about 60 days and you know why?
Same reason I do everything, to try and have sex with a lady.
2 tags
I don't relate to people who aren't interested in...
Hi, my name’s Alex and apparently we’re on the same wavelength tonight.
1 tag
becauseproperteaistheft:
Blahhhh I’m not even insecure because of how I look; I’m objectively not hideous. I’m insecure because I’m so self-loathing that it makes me hate every single thing about my body & feel like I’m so ugly I don’t deserve to live.
I’ve been trying to verbalize a very similar feeling all day.
2pac - Lord Knows
Opening lines like this are why...
I’d like to think that I’m a tool for this universe, I’d like to think I mean something, I have a reason. But I don’t think I do. I’m a hammer left in the wet earth. But I have the tools to make one. I hope.
I’m only drawing clothes again but I’m too shy to ever try to pull any of it off. Who wants to make my dream come true/get ridiculous clothes?
Busta Rhymes & Ol’ Dirty Bastard - Woo...
Now I’m having a 3 perspective discussion with myself about the pros and cons of the allies artificially extending WW2 until the axis and Ruskies decimated each other enough for an easy total takeover making the cold war entirely with (hopefully) Japan.
So, yeah, unfit to care for orchids much less a baby.
More importantly I think I can give her the tools to feel safe once in a while. And that’s the most amazing thing I think I could do as a parent.
Whoops now I’m looking at plane tickets.
I’m scared if I ever have a daughter I’m going to force her into judo because I’m so afraid I could never protect her from this world but goddamn I can teach her to destroy it for that.
I’m thinking about an undercut and straitening my hair every day and just saying fuck it to trying to present as a guy for a while.
2 tags
Who’s breezy? Also are lil Wayne and weezy the same guy? Is one of them jeezy?
2 tags
I feel like I always come on really strong with friendships because I fucking hate the pretense so much and I just want to love people and know everything about them and tell them everything about me and I’m so scared that just drives people away so I give up and try not to bother them and become a hermit and it’s a bummer.
Thinking about making my partner watch me poop tonight because they deserve to see me at my lowest.
i like how i think it’s totally more plausible that i would be finger painting paper dolls and not hitting on someone but i really only do one of them.
Dear The News,
Please don’t bash Chris Christie because he’s fat, instead focus on how he’s a crooked cunt on nearly comedic levels.
-Everyone who actually cares.
I’m at that point where I can only express myself in Ice Cube lyrics.
everythinginthrees:
learnyouracbs:
Side note, ladies: I just bought 45 mint Louis L’Amour novels.
you are so getting laid when i get home from work
I’m going to read them all to you in my “Sexy Texan” voice.
1 tag
Side note, ladies: I just bought 45 mint Louis L’Amour novels.
There has never been a better time to be a fucking nerd, we live in a goddamn world where ones knowledge of obscure literature or “radical” ways of thinking can, like, totally get you laid. Fucking life’s great, man.
People who don’t know how to inform people without being a pedant are the bane of my fucking existence.
2 tags
This zippo makes me feel like a man who wants to box?
I feel like I’m going crazy.
Maybe it’s all the drugs.
Maybe it’s not enough drugs.
My head is filled with bugs and bats and heart attacks.
Your hands can’t hit what your eyes can’t see.
i’m ready to die.
it’s a coin flip tonight.
heads: new mexico
tails: the business end of a .44
fuck it who cares which it lands on
tails never fails
drunk and homicidal
what a fucking fun combination
I judge peoples character based on whether they like Napoleon Dynamite or not.
So, internet, do you like Napoleon Dynamite?
“Women could probably be trained quite easily to see men first as sexual things....”
– Naomi Wolf, The Beauty Myth: How Images of Beauty Are Used Against Women (via feminishblog)
IF YOU CALL A MEN’S RIGHTS SUPPORTER A “WHINY BITCH” HE WILL IMPLODE INTO A SEXISM PARADOX SINGULARITY
(@yelling_bird)
I like to make prank phone calls where I pretend to be Microsoft customer service and I just helpfully do tech support for people and then when their issues are resolved I ask what color underwear they’re wearing.
I decided I’m going to change my last name to “Ederbachs” to pick up women.
1 tag
There are no good 80s porn writers left alive, that’s what I want to do with my life.
1 tag
Under my reign oil companies will be not-for-profit and fucking funding NASA.
Vote this guy in, like, 16 years.
